I have learned how to swim in doubts
Pedal my way to the cycle of uncertainties
And run after things that dont deserve me.
While they hurt, it helped me gain energy to regain myself,
In order to win this marathon of rejection I didn’t really have to run, climb or sprint.
I can simply walk away by using my own feet.
How come people…how come I have this great longing for past grief?
Sometimes the pain don’t weigh as much but there’s a space for it.
There’s a gap that you cannot fill with joy and abundance.
There’s a space left unfilled you let an old scar stay.
Today, I catch up with an old, barely relevant scar.
Only because the new tissue hasn’t fully developed.
I know the new hello will cause nothing but prolong the replacement.
But this is a human process.
And as much as I hate it, I acknowledge its existence.
And hope somewhere along this process of taking one step forward, two steps back…
I will somehow …eventually reach my full stop and trace the outline of my healing point.
And I guess that’s the most courageous thing a person can ever do, dare to love.
To bring yourself to the possibilities of pain and discomfort.
For showing your most vulnerable version.
For allowing them to make or break you beyond your control.
And whenever I hear or learn someone’s heartbreak, I cannot help but be part of his/her pain.
I will always be that wolf who’ll always be an outsider of this arena.
The coward one.
The person who cannot be any of the above.
And I’m probably am the worst kind of coward.
It doesn’t mean I cannot love.
I just can’t put myself in such great ordeal.
At least not yet.
So to all those who are hurting.
For those who are still mending, I do wish I can offer you a cheer.
In the absence of that, I pray you peace.
You are an awesome being. I wish you’ll find recovery in such great ease.