Musings

I’m super exhausted from work today but it is scary cos it’s my favorite kind of high.

The fulfillment I get…like an andrenaline rush.
I wonder if people feel the same way?
I wonder what version others have?

I’m struggling to find other facets in life that can give me such vibe. I know there’s more to life than this.
There are tiny versions like helping others or coffee picking or wandering but it is not as “makes-me-oblivious” kind.

I’m struggling to find ways to heal the hurt.
I’m struggling to find means to forget.

xx

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Good morning, Grief

The days filled with bruises outlived the bliss
Each waking day turns into nostalgia
Reliving the unfinished “IT” 
Regrouping all my false belief

Opening and closing each day become the hardest
They remind me so much of my defeat
Even as I recreate my days and crack in laughter
Thoughts suddenly seep and quickly, I just go back in bleak

I smile and smile right in front of the people who love me
The people who wishes to make me happy, but the sadness haunts me
I see you in every car, in every city
Your ghost won’t just leave

My mind has decided it is not worth it,
I know I should have long taken a flight
It’s clear you arent my knight
My mind’s made up but my heart…
My heart is still crawling from the dark alley now branded with fright.

xx

MISSING

To me flying is a source of joy. I’ll always stay like a giddy kid enjoying her first flight. Tell you, for me there’s nothing quite like having a bird’s eye view during the ascending and descending part of the ride.
Remember all the myth-busting factsheets on and offline that say flying is supposed to be the safest means of transportation?
How I hope we can still say the same thing these days.

This year has been disconcerting given the number of air fiasco we’ve experienced.
If you search for the numbers of air accidents we’re smoothly traversing to our safest years since ’05 but counting the number of fatalities is a different story.
Just for this year alone, how many ‘disappearances’ have we encountered?
How many flights landed into some dark abyss nobody knows where?
How unequipped are we in terms of technology? How advance can we really get? The flying cars of the future, will they experience the same detour?
I have no idea.

Yea, I know ‘accident’ happens. Take a cab, bus, train, whatever.
But you know what baffles me? Accidents, freak or plain miscalculated action/inaction do deliver a certain closure.
They provide answers to our WHYs. We can blame something, someone.
There’s always an end.
But when the brain can’t sort things out, moving on becomes the most tedious process.
We will never be able to understand the depth of pain of those who lost a loved one during MH370, Flight 17, Flight 222 and this most recent one.
It’s truly heartbreaking and we can only hope they can find a way to cope and wish somehow something will fill in the gap.
Perhaps the worst kind of lost will always be the unexplained ones.

xx