Going, Going, Gone.

Checked out an old lover’s profile for no apparent reason.
Or some reason I couldn’t pin or admit.
How are you to know?

He’s cradling this beautiful tiny creature along a sandy shore.
He seems happy. He looks happy.
Far from the distant, constantly pensive face of the beanie/hemp-necklace wearing dude I used to spend late conversations with.

I am glad he is happy.

I have for the life of me always wished him happiness.
A thing that for years evaded me.
Oh please, he’s not the one to blame.
Vancouver ended up warm and sunny, Manila remained bleak and rainy.

For years, seeing image of him brings shivers to my spine.
Makes my fingers cold and my mouth dry.
It has been a long while and I know I have moved on already.
What was then overflowing has become so empty.
Not sad empty,just nothing-left-anymore empty.

This isn’t a story of victory. My chapters remain crazy.
This is an actual stage of flipping pages. Oh well, pages I should have flipped long, long time ago but couldn’t. Until one day I realized I could.
And I did.

All those movies telling us of that grand gesture of closure could be true but sometimes it can happen this way.
Fading.
Ever so slowly.
But it does end.
At one point it will end.

The cycle may return.
Perhaps for another person?
And if you’re thinking the pain will never end, well here’s your message of hope. Honey, at one point it will end.
It may take a long while or a short bend, who am I to tell?
But I tell you, that pain will find its way to the very end.

And if you’re lucky, you’ll be able to love again.

xx

Advertisements

Not So Ordinary People

Regular people either get a halt or a nod.
In highways, we either move in green,slow down in orange and heed to red for a full stop.
There’s that dancing man who signals you when exactly to cross and you have a clock to beat.
The streets will always provide a whistle or a beep.

There’s always a prompt.
You always get life as it is.

But maybe I am no regular.

Cos other people get a yes or a no.
A hi or just go.
Hang on or let go.
There’s always a clear yes or no.

I’d like to put it in a way that I see the good in this crazy life.
Would rather succumb to this delight than be eaten by the greyness of the night.
Laugh in the dark.
Shake off all the fright.

Maybe the One UP THERE loves to see the beauty I throw up in the midst of obscurity.
To be stuck in in-betweens and unsettling I don’t know’s.
Maybe the angels are giggling when I stay quiet by this sheer ambiguity.
as others receive a moving on note …I get a laugh and an innocent nope.

They say rejection is mean and bad and unfair.
I guess the absence of answer is some cross they never had the chance to bear.

xx