Triathlon

I have learned how to swim in doubts

Pedal my way to the cycle of uncertainties

And run after things that dont deserve me.

While they hurt, it helped me gain energy to regain myself,
In order to win this marathon of rejection I didn’t really have to run, climb or sprint.
I can simply walk away by using my own feet.

xx

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Transience

We live in the dream that all are set according to our preferred timeline.
When they stop or where to begin.
But we couldn’t.
We shouldn’t.

There are no bounds or limits.
What will happen, will happen.
The ball will keep on rolling
Even as we choose to stand still.

Time is just a concept.
It can move slowly or slip too fast.
Sundays will come and return.
Even permanence becomes a mere transience.

Liberty

I am free.
Sometimes I need to remind myself that I am indeed free.
Maybe remembering could sometimes be difficult when you didn’t ask for it.
But then again, why be sad about it? Really?

I am free.
My hours are mine.
Choices.
I own the sea.

I am free.
My life.
There’s nothing to pity.
I define liberty.

I am free.
Nobody can take that away from me.
Not unless I want to then just let me be.
Sometimes I want to but most couldn’t see.

xx

Strange Encounters

You know the feeling when you’re trying to avoid a certain memory?
How your brain Fs everything up and gives you more of it?
But really it’s not the outside world that creates this madness?
It’s really just inside your head.

The inexplicable coincidences
The random surge of the same car unit in the entire city
Suddenly, all parents gave their kids the same name in the 90s
Sometimes it puts a silly grin, other times, it makes you want to scream

The mere coincidence that wherever you go
Wherever you enter, you’ll hear the name
As if the Universe is mocking you
And the more you try to ignore, the more it persists

You cry for help, you tap out
But it’s there
Pushing you to remember
Teasing you more about your once upon a never

As if telling you to get used to it
Or maybe it’s helping you realize that a person, a place, or an event are all over
It’s all over – can be repeated
Can be replaced

Until we don’t realize how OK it is to reach game over, we will continue to have these strange encounters.

xx

Musings

I’m super exhausted from work today but it is scary cos it’s my favorite kind of high.

The fulfillment I get…like an andrenaline rush.
I wonder if people feel the same way?
I wonder what version others have?

I’m struggling to find other facets in life that can give me such vibe. I know there’s more to life than this.
There are tiny versions like helping others or coffee picking or wandering but it is not as “makes-me-oblivious” kind.

I’m struggling to find ways to heal the hurt.
I’m struggling to find means to forget.

xx