Dear 2028

Dear 2028,

I was up today at 04:04 AM cos of my alarm. Totally forgot it was set at that time.
If it were, it must have been like that for a long time now, my head’s just too great at ignoring things to notice.
But this morning, I did.
Like in most of my mornings, I would start my day by well… checking my phone.
Facebook scrolling until my brain is awake enough to function.

There was a post about 2008, ten years ago from today.
It was all about not knowing what the future holds which is to me, quite true.
I was 18YO then and I didn’t know anything about today – until today.
If the past 10 months taught me one thing, it is the face that I can always plan, I can always predict my future, but there are always other things beyond my control that can totally alter everything.

Who would have thought I will suddenly be pulled out from the 8th floor of my cubicle-ville? Who knew I will be sitting on the 18th floor with a view that I always wished for? And while I truly love it, my head will always ask for more aka “I hope I can see the sunset from here, too.”

Or to backtrack a bit more, who would have thought I will totally abandon the career that ‘brought me up’ in the past eight years?
Who would have thought that now, I will be a trying hard plant lady who is also dying to have her own puppy?

And as I am still too lazy to get up, at about 4:14 AM, instead of coffee, questions just keep pouring in.

Maybe scared, maybe a little sad, or just totally sleepy.
It made me think what 10 years from now will be.

Do I still wake up on my own?
Will I ever get a puppy?
Will I be that auntie in the movie who spends her life tending to plants?
Is it really IT for me?
My partially hopeful self, of course, wishes that things will take a sudden turn again. For the better.
The other half prepares for the worst.
Who knows?

At 4:38 AM, I just grabbed a black bag and collected my garbage threw them all away. Washed my hands and went back to sleep knowing I will write this up later today.

2028 to me sounds near yet still far away.
Ten years from now, I may end up forgetting this day.
Ten years from now, I may end up writing back.
If ever I will, I hope my 2028-self has good news to share.

xx

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Triathlon

I have learned how to swim in doubts

Pedal my way to the cycle of uncertainties

And run after things that dont deserve me.

While they hurt, it helped me gain energy to regain myself,
In order to win this marathon of rejection I didn’t really have to run, climb or sprint.
I can simply walk away by using my own feet.

xx

Transience

We live in the dream that all are set according to our preferred timeline.
When they stop or where to begin.
But we couldn’t.
We shouldn’t.

There are no bounds or limits.
What will happen, will happen.
The ball will keep on rolling
Even as we choose to stand still.

Time is just a concept.
It can move slowly or slip too fast.
Sundays will come and return.
Even permanence becomes a mere transience.

Liberty

I am free.
Sometimes I need to remind myself that I am indeed free.
Maybe remembering could sometimes be difficult when you didn’t ask for it.
But then again, why be sad about it? Really?

I am free.
My hours are mine.
Choices.
I own the sea.

I am free.
My life.
There’s nothing to pity.
I define liberty.

I am free.
Nobody can take that away from me.
Not unless I want to then just let me be.
Sometimes I want to but most couldn’t see.

xx

Strange Encounters

You know the feeling when you’re trying to avoid a certain memory?
How your brain Fs everything up and gives you more of it?
But really it’s not the outside world that creates this madness?
It’s really just inside your head.

The inexplicable coincidences
The random surge of the same car unit in the entire city
Suddenly, all parents gave their kids the same name in the 90s
Sometimes it puts a silly grin, other times, it makes you want to scream

The mere coincidence that wherever you go
Wherever you enter, you’ll hear the name
As if the Universe is mocking you
And the more you try to ignore, the more it persists

You cry for help, you tap out
But it’s there
Pushing you to remember
Teasing you more about your once upon a never

As if telling you to get used to it
Or maybe it’s helping you realize that a person, a place, or an event are all over
It’s all over – can be repeated
Can be replaced

Until we don’t realize how OK it is to reach game over, we will continue to have these strange encounters.

xx