Of Houses and Homes

It was a mistake to pour your soul to someone you barely know
It was a mistake to assign your happiness in someone else’s hand
To expect other people to remove your worries and fears

It is a mistake to turn to,cling during moments of confusion and grief
To forget that you yourself is your number one hero
So wrong to let emotions run through a fragile vessel
So wrong to allow yourself to be open after a short chase

But is it really wrong to trust?
Is it wrong to think that people are kind and amazing and giving?
Well it is never wrong to feel
It is never wrong to ache, to experience whirlwind of emotions

It isn’t wrong to purely see the goodness of other people’s heart
To hope.
A bagfull of wishful thinking.
A night sky for dreaming.

There are no wrong emotions
Just wrong people
Not that we are right, they are just not the one

People arent custom built for us
Their capacity do not include holding our truths
Our type of energy, our strength or even our frailty

Hence, it is wrong to build home on a shaky ground
You may reach an almost but it will break the moment wind blows in a different direction.
It is wrong to get stuck in this kind of mud when you can pick your pieces and remember you already have your most solid ground

Yourself minus all the doubts.

xx

Healing

It is in our most emotional, vulnerable state that we pen our best or worst love letters.
But through this we find healing.
When our mind’s in constant battle with our heart and the forces beyond our control, writing becomes the safest option.

It is when we forget about those who might read our sighs and be judged are overpowered by our need to release all the pain.
Likes sketches, like half-finished drafts
We write and write until the world becomes different.

We will write and write in pain
Until the words turn into better emotions
We drop each bitterness bomb
Until we’re visited again by life-changing inspirations.

xx

Logic x Heart

This year I will remain hopeful.
I will take where my heart leads me.
I will take it no matter how irrational.
I will take it no matter how risky.

I will follow my heart.
It’s something I never fully tried.
I always turn around around and hide.
If all else still fails and I end up crying, at least I knew I tried.

xx

Night & Day

2.jpg

This could be a little less eloquent as I am writing in a strange fashion such as spontaneity.
I am not one.
It is so soothing for me whenever I have all things clearly defined.
And today, and in the days to come, I may have to jump to uncertainties.

All brilliant articles are saying things will be fine.
Confusion and being lost are good for the soul.
Hundreds and hundreds of assuring words.
Still, I remain terrified.

And as the hasty sunset kiss the dusk.
I quietly plead for light.
With only hope is the star from afar
I jump and dive and take the flight.

Cos in between the fear and fright
I hear my heart whisper,
There’s no other way to see the dawn but to endure the passing of the night.

xx

Complex / Cities

I can only reach out, I tell myself.
A bit of a compromise.
I can try but I can never move on a different direction.
One that isn’t part of my vision.

They say it’s a dead end.
‘lo change and bend.
I picture the world sending a different version of me.
And my truth says, “I can’t.”

There’s that version that everyone likes, and my version of truth.
To please everyone isn’t my pursuit.

Change and bend?
I just really can’t.

Call me romantic, idyllic
A lover of non-existent fairytales
But that won’t change the messages I’ll send to the world.

If along the way I find people who are warmth by the same skin
Who share the same wire
Ill be glad
Ill be happy to let them in.

My lights are on, I welcome those who’d be knocking my walls.
If they find difficulties in comprehending,
let it naturally take its toll.
In my fragile bubble, it will always be, all or nothing at all.

What Unugly Feels

I have bruises that never seem to heal
Rough patches
Ugly scratches
Cracks on my heel

Nose that only gets pointed in some angles
Freckles
Dark circles
With some filter, there’s that perfect beauty I steal

Increase the brightness
Remove the shadows
A little more contrast
Apply those wonder I call ugly-healing apps

Unkissable lips
Undainty fingertips
Absence of gap along those thick thighs
Ugh, let’s talk about my super wide hips

So they scream right into my ear
Liquify, liquify!
Rise, Hudson, Valencia, LoFi
But wait, what is really there to fear?

These are flaws everyone can’t (And shouldn’t deny)
They can mock
They can critizise
But I will wear them and not apologise.

Because when I see you, I want to be able to look into your eyes
I want a consistent view of what you see in the movies
What you see at plain sight
I want the reel and real to collide.

Whatever value you wish to put in my mind I’ll let you be.
I will fix the ones I wish to not see but who I am should not be downgraded by the naturals flaws I carry.
I will try to improve, progress and reinvent myself until I reach my kind of beauty but for now, filters and editing will continue to be my mortal enemies.