Triathlon

I have learned how to swim in doubts

Pedal my way to the cycle of uncertainties

And run after things that dont deserve me.

While they hurt, it helped me gain energy to regain myself,
In order to win this marathon of rejection I didn’t really have to run, climb or sprint.
I can simply walk away by using my own feet.

xx

Advertisements

F5 History

How come people…how come I have this great longing for past grief?
Sometimes the pain don’t weigh as much but there’s a space for it.
There’s a gap that you cannot fill with joy and abundance.
There’s a space left unfilled you let an old scar stay.

Today, I catch up with an old, barely relevant scar.
Only because the new tissue hasn’t fully developed.
I know the new hello will cause nothing but prolong the replacement.
But this is a human process.
And as much as I hate it, I acknowledge its existence.

And hope somewhere along this process of taking one step forward, two steps back…
I will somehow …eventually reach my full stop and trace the outline of my healing point.

xx

Strange Encounters

You know the feeling when you’re trying to avoid a certain memory?
How your brain Fs everything up and gives you more of it?
But really it’s not the outside world that creates this madness?
It’s really just inside your head.

The inexplicable coincidences
The random surge of the same car unit in the entire city
Suddenly, all parents gave their kids the same name in the 90s
Sometimes it puts a silly grin, other times, it makes you want to scream

The mere coincidence that wherever you go
Wherever you enter, you’ll hear the name
As if the Universe is mocking you
And the more you try to ignore, the more it persists

You cry for help, you tap out
But it’s there
Pushing you to remember
Teasing you more about your once upon a never

As if telling you to get used to it
Or maybe it’s helping you realize that a person, a place, or an event are all over
It’s all over – can be repeated
Can be replaced

Until we don’t realize how OK it is to reach game over, we will continue to have these strange encounters.

xx

Of Houses and Homes

It was a mistake to pour your soul to someone you barely know
It was a mistake to assign your happiness in someone else’s hand
To expect other people to remove your worries and fears

It is a mistake to turn to,cling during moments of confusion and grief
To forget that you yourself is your number one hero
So wrong to let emotions run through a fragile vessel
So wrong to allow yourself to be open after a short chase

But is it really wrong to trust?
Is it wrong to think that people are kind and amazing and giving?
Well it is never wrong to feel
It is never wrong to ache, to experience whirlwind of emotions

It isn’t wrong to purely see the goodness of other people’s heart
To hope.
A bagfull of wishful thinking.
A night sky for dreaming.

There are no wrong emotions
Just wrong people
Not that we are right, they are just not the one

People arent custom built for us
Their capacity do not include holding our truths
Our type of energy, our strength or even our frailty

Hence, it is wrong to build home on a shaky ground
You may reach an almost but it will break the moment wind blows in a different direction.
It is wrong to get stuck in this kind of mud when you can pick your pieces and remember you already have your most solid ground

Yourself minus all the doubts.

xx

Healing

It is in our most emotional, vulnerable state that we pen our best or worst love letters.
But through this we find healing.
When our mind’s in constant battle with our heart and the forces beyond our control, writing becomes the safest option.

It is when we forget about those who might read our sighs and be judged are overpowered by our need to release all the pain.
Likes sketches, like half-finished drafts
We write and write until the world becomes different.

We will write and write in pain
Until the words turn into better emotions
We drop each bitterness bomb
Until we’re visited again by life-changing inspirations.

xx