I have learned how to swim in doubts
Pedal my way to the cycle of uncertainties
And run after things that dont deserve me.
While they hurt, it helped me gain energy to regain myself,
In order to win this marathon of rejection I didn’t really have to run, climb or sprint.
I can simply walk away by using my own feet.
A colleague asked, “Who made you stop loving?”
Person or two. Or three… or some more.
Few minutes ago, out of sheer assholery of Facebook, I was reminded.
But I don’t want to look back anymore.
Not angry nor sad, just no intention of continuously take steps backwards.
And even if my heart… my heart would want to cling to past.
There’s no use looking back.
How come people…how come I have this great longing for past grief?
Sometimes the pain don’t weigh as much but there’s a space for it.
There’s a gap that you cannot fill with joy and abundance.
There’s a space left unfilled you let an old scar stay.
Today, I catch up with an old, barely relevant scar.
Only because the new tissue hasn’t fully developed.
I know the new hello will cause nothing but prolong the replacement.
But this is a human process.
And as much as I hate it, I acknowledge its existence.
And hope somewhere along this process of taking one step forward, two steps back…
I will somehow …eventually reach my full stop and trace the outline of my healing point.