20s

20s

Kinda sums up all I want in life at this stage.

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Alias

The other day you said that I gave up on us because I didn’t have faith, that somehow you didn’t mean enough to me…
After you died I used to talk to you like you were still around…

I knew I was a guy who stayed up nights drinking, talking to his dead girlfriend.                    Still I couldn’t stop.
So, before you tell me you can handle me coming back there are two things you need to know.
First is that I was so in love with you… it nearly killed me.
And second, I don’t regret moving on with my life.

 

-Never had the chance to watch Alias. I used to put this on my BIO during Friendster hype, posted this on my Multiply as well                                                                                         simply because Michael Vaughn’s lines were totally “I said my piece damn well” kind of script. 

So Clean

In a scale of one to Mother Theresa, how good are you? 

I don’t believe we’re all good. We will in one way or another do something mean, bad, distasteful or unkind. We rationalize things by saying “I only did what I did to defend myself” or “Some people deserve it” or plainly deny or at worst, we become totally delusional.
                                                                                         

We are meant to be selfish, we are meant to defend ourselves. We are born to think that we are here on Earth to love and be loved. To enjoy all the bests this world can offer. We see the world as if it owes us all the joy.

We are thinkers, we can always find ways to rationalize and get away with every wrongful turn we take. I don’t mean to write this to denounce your good and bad judgments in life or wash my hands clean. But I just cannot fathom the role that some people would like to play.                                

The people who will try to mold you to become a better person. Those who will take note of all your shits and announce it to the world or at least to their world. My favorite bunch of hypocrites. 

Wait, can somebody pass the handbook of good deeds? Or the list of perfectly nice individuals? 

 

…to be continued. 

Closing

I am in high hopes that I will not use this platform to vent my troubles inside. But knowing myself, I will always end up doing this.

Tonight, I have personally decided to let go of one person who, for some time I admired. And when I say ‘let go’, I only meant to particularly not care anymore. And I know i’m good at it. I’m really good at it.

Our status is like trying to save a relationship from sinking but you’ll realize that it’s better that way. If we see things at different directions and we cannot settle to just respecting each other’s decision then it’s going nowhere. I can no longer continue sharing the silent feud, my life would be far more interesting finding my spot in the world. I don’t understand the hate or whatever your negative feeling is towards me.

I sincerely apologize (I can’t be too sincere) for lessening your Earth years, your negative emotions must have consumed a lot of your time.

xx